It was a Saturday morning that just wasn’t going right!
I was running late – and feeling unprepared for my dear client Brooke. She had arranged the night before to bring in her two year old daughter, who had been unwell for the past week. I left a text message to push the appointment back half an hour – and hadn’t
received a reply. I hesitated – ring or send another text? I was in a hurry – so opted for the text.
At 10.10 am, as I prepared the space for the
consultation I heard a car pull into the driveway – and then bang! Uh oh! I could see that her vehicle had hit the towbar of Mark’s big trailer which was parked in front of the building! I ran to the door – to check that she was ok -just in time to see her back up the driveway, pulling the trailer with her. The towbar was wedged under the front of her four wheel drive.
I could see the look of panic on her face as she then drove forward to release the trailer – which she did. I watched in disbelief and dismay as the trailer unhinged itself and rolled ……back down the driveway…… into the front of the Studio.
There was a shuddering thump and sound of breaking glass.
My first thought was “the whole front is smashed” – followed by an inner babble– I should have called her – the trailer shouldn’t
have been left there– darn it Mark why didn’t you listen? Did I create this by thinking this would happen with the trailer parked there – is this about Agrimony and releasing the mask ….Is there something I am not getting? Oh no – I have a workshop next weekend how will it be fixed in time….Is this what it takes to get me out of my comfort zone and out of the Studio??!!
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry …Are you Ok?” Brooke was out of the car. She looked white and shaken.
(Breathe in deeply. It’s just a window. My
sacred space is still standing – its façade has been broken. Maybe there is a message in
“Yes I’m Ok – I’m a bit shaky. (I think I’m ok – I can’t believe this just happened)
Are you alright?”
She burst into tears – “I’m so sorry – do you need to yell at me?”
“It’s ok – it was an accident – and it can be
fixed. And I’m not angry with you. I’m a bit shaky and upset – not angry. There is a message in this for you – and it’s my window so there must be a message in it for me
I went inside to make a cup of tea – more to give myself space to calm down and re-centre – and decide what to do next. In the meantime Brooke called her husband to explain what happened and ask if he could come over to have a look – to see what needed to be done to fix it.
Brooke was still upset.
Her husband agreed to come over and look at it to see what needed to be done. I said not to worry – it was being taken care of - let’s have a look at what this means.
So with the trailer poking its ugly black frame through the broken window – and the carpet and couch cleared now cleared of broken glass – we began the session.
I pulled a card from the Goddess pack – Mary Magdalene –Unconditional Love. How
appropriate. Brooke had painted the image of Mary Magdalene for me only a few
weeks ago for the Rose Love Essence.
“See – Unconditional Love. And I do still Love you – broken window and all.”
I do love her – how can I not! She radiates love! I have known her only a couple of years and it feels like I have known her
forever. She is a loyal client, a dear friend, fellow meditator, Goddess Pal, student, teacher, light-worker – and we share the same Life School and Life Lesson – Love.
It took three hours to complete the session – and resolve and clear the energy of past events that had been activated by this
incident. (I was operating a little slower than usual!) Her two year old daughter was already looking noticeably brighter after a dose of homeopathic medicine and some clearing work. She was chatting and laughing. All good!
I just had to work out my part of the equation.
Funny, Brooke had dreamt earlier that week that I was really angry with her and had walked away and left her. Obviously, there was still something deeper to resolve. She kept asking me – Are you sure you are not angry with me? One thing I was certain of – I was in no way angry with her – or blamed her for what happened. And I was exceptionally relieved and grateful that her husband, who is a carpenter, was willing and able to replace the window and repair the damage to the building.
It took a day for me to realise I was in shock and a bit despondent over what happened – and on the verge of “poor me” meltdown! It could take weeks to find a replacement window – or to have one made. I believed in my heart and soul that it would be sooner.
And I had absolute faith in Brooke’s magic ability to find a perfect match – and in perfect time! What I also knew – I needed to “get this”. The Universe was giving a very clear message. I needed to pay attention to SOMETHING!
I knew I was stalling on a few things – and it was time to “get over it and on with it.” Firstly– I needed to understand - what is this all about?
Without thinking I pulled out the Archangel
Cards, Goddess Cards and the Word cards. Two cards caught my attention – Wish and Anger. This was the third time I had drawn these two cards together in the past couple of days. The Isis card was indicating this was definitely a past life issue.
In a whoosh the story unfolded.
Words came quickly and I wrote them as they came, without pause to think. Initiation. Failed. You were unprepared. In an instant the words converted to a picture - like watching a movie re-run, except I can feel myself in it. I’m in Egypt. I have failed a Priestess initiation because I have not prepared for it properly. I am in the desert – it seems I have been cast out from the Temple – and sent away from my family, from everyone.
There is more to it.
Shame. Regret. Anger. Despair.
There is a heavy blackness in my heart. It has been causing a pain in my heart for the past few weeks.
OMGoddess - I have cursed the Temple and brought the curse upon myself!
All of a sudden I am back in the Temple. There is a sound of breaking glass and
the girl standing opposite me is looking stricken – afraid. She is my trainee – and I know instantly it is Brooke. My focus has been broken – and I have failed. Fear and shame overwhelms me. Then it shifts instantly to revolting rage. I spew out and anger and blame, and curse her for her clumsiness. I am aware of her deep hurt and grief - she knows I am to be cast out. What have hurt more are the rage and blame, the curses and accusations. My failure is not her fault. Had I prepared properly, my focus would have been steady and uninterrupted. This was my responsibility.
The message behind Wish and Anger cards became apparent. Convert the Wish to its opposite – and it becomes a curse – a curse born of uncontrolled anger and blame.
That’s what needed to be recognised. That's the energy and emotion that needed to be transmuted.
Immediately I asked for the curse to be released and asked forgiveness from all those in the Temple – I’m sorry – Please Forgive me – I love you.
In the process I forgave myself.
The heaviness lifted from my whole body. It tingled with lightness and new found freedom. Phew! It was a gentle, beautifully delicious feeling!
I texted Brooke: “Transmuted the energy of the past life and I am sorry xo hugs and love”
She texted back “I always forgive”
Brooke had felt the shift – like a wave and a
lifting of a heavy weight from her back and shoulders. We were both being freed from some very old energy.
This explained her reaction to an event in early childhood – of dropping and breaking dishes – being yelled at – and the horrible feeling and beliefs about herself that she had carried forward from that. She felt that exact feeling when she heard the Studio window break.
Finally, I understood the block I had in recent years to “taking the final step” in completing important projects – and the
absolute fear and dread that came as soon as I was close. The constant nagging feeling of “not being prepared” and the “black wall” I had felt I was pushing up against as soon as I intended to create something new, something beautiful, and in line with my heart's passion and purpose.
We were re writing the past – creating a new story and re-aligning it in Love.
I felt like I had dropped a million tonne worth of resistance!
In its place - a desire to create joyfully, passionately and freely, energised with Love.
There was no place for Fear to reside now. And there was no reason to “hide” – my default pattern when I am unable to make a decision, am distracted from my plan or something “isn’t working”. I had tethered myself to the fear of shame and failure.
It just has no energy to it now. Only the ego feels shame and responds to failure. The Eternal Self knows only Love is real – everything else is temporal.
The transformation I feel within has no words. I just know – I feel freer, lighter, focussed and joyously positive. I feel more "me" :-)
(A phone call from Brooke confirmed she had found a brand new window – and it was a perfect fit! Better still, Kendon could install it on Friday – so it would be ready for the weekend!)
I love the new window. I am looking through it now and it is so much lighter and brighter than the original! (Mark has moved his trailer so it’s safe!J)
I am so very grateful to the Gorgeous Goddess who has followed me through time and space to break through the old story, and allow the opportunity co-create a new one – for both of us.
It’s very cool!
(Thankyou Brooke for letting me share this story – you’re awesome!)
Love and Blessings All!